I’m listening to the song right now, which begins, “She leads a lonely life”…
“It’s not a day for work…” and what does it mean when Ms Ace of Base sings, “She’s gone tomorrow”… sounds like a woman in crisis to me but who is looking for either a healthy or an unhealthy relationship. Any relationship, it seems. Or is she clinging to a love lost?
Yesterday I wrote about the end of my career (in my pre-diagnosis life) and the activities I enjoy at the moment, and my goals. I was really pleased to get that off my chest, in the end… and it was a better post than my ranty, anxious one for day 10. Sorry about that, dear readers, but I will just have to chalk it up to experience. Typing while anxious led to a bit of a train-wreck type entry.
So having covered my so-say professional life in the entry yesterday, I might now write about relationships, based on my experience in life.
I really want to write about K, but I know he wouldn’t really want me to. Anyway, after seeing him in person today, it’s looking like I might go and live with him in beautiful Edinburgh at some point in the future. I feel honoured to be trusted with such a place in his life, and lucky to have found him.
So back to my madness, or my crisis, hehe, K has already seen the sight of me crying over the end of my pre-diagnosis life, and seen me ask if my life with him would end too, just because my life with D had to end after five years. Yes, it is madness. Sometimes mental ill-health causes a bit of a meltdown even for a grown woman or man.
My past idea of success in both relationships and a career was definitely interwoven with my own identity. The loss of that relationship and career at the very same time caused me to sink, and not believe in myself any more, thinking that I had lost that identity. But a person is so much more than just a relationship or just a job, or even “just” a career or “just” a problem. If we don’t already love and value ourselves independently of the fact that we’re in a certain relationship or the fact we earn a living a certain way, or independently of problems in our lives, we’ll end up in a real mess. There’s more to people, there’s more to everyone than these things in our lives, important as they may be, is what I’m trying to say. There are ways to address loss, address problems, in therapy and in life. There is most definitely hope on the other side.